One of the ways in which we can support trauma survivors is to provide a holding environment for them as they recover.
At some point survivors need to make a conscious decision to heal. Initially, all they can do is suffer or run away from the feelings elicited by the trauma. Often they feel as if they are being defined by what has happened to them. The trauma and its aftermath is all-consuming.
Over time, however, the other parts of their lives begin to clamor for attention, and survivors are in a place to contemplate moving through the trauma into healing. They can decide whether they’re going to be defined by their trauma or whether they’re going to allow this to become part of their history and then create a different definition of who they are. But I think that takes a conscious choice. Someone has to decide, “I want to learn how to live again and not just exist.”
Suggesting this possibility early in the treatment process would be counterproductive, however. It would seem as if we did not understand how awful they felt and how terrible what they went through was. But I know for having gone through my own traumatic experiences and going through the therapeutic process, I borrowed my therapist’s hope for a very long time before I had any of my own.
At some point, people are able to hear that, while it may not feel like it right now, we have worked with people who have experienced something similar and they have been able to find a way to get through it. We can let them know that we believe they will also be able to do that and that we will help them do that.
They can borrow our hope and our belief in their strength and their ability to heal.
Hope Makes Healing Possible!
Patricia Sherman, Ph.D., LCSW
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