This will be a longer blog entry than usual. It deals with a rare, but terrifying situation.
This is an excerpt from a letter I
received.
“How do you learn to live with the fear of being killed. My husband and I
survived the attempt on our lives by my ex-husband. Our daughter, 13 at the
time, is the biological daughter of the criminal. He is in prison now, but his
family has threatened my life. Fear has disabled me and depression has enveloped
me. My daughter is now 17 and needs me.”
It sounds as though you and your family are living a nightmare. I'm so sorry
that the trauma is ongoing. I'm sure you are doing everything the police have
advised. You should also ask if they can provide any extra protection for you.
Sometimes police departments have emergency cell phones they can give to people
in your situation.
If you cannot get one from the police, each of you should get a cell phone and program it to speed-dial 911. You can also program it to contact someone close to you that you trust.
Look for exit strategies where
ever you are. Be prepared to yell loudly should you see anyone that seems
threatening. Carry a whistle around your neck and use it if you feel threatened.
The stronger you can help yourself to feel, the less of a victim you will be.
The most drastic measure, but one you might want to seriously consider, would be
changing your identities and relocating. The prosecutor's office may be able to
help you do this.
Also, I have heard there is an
underground network of people who are willing to help those in domestic violence
situations "get lost." Your local battered women's shelter should have that
information.
While it may seem to be almost impossible to do, it will be important to ensure
that all of you care for yourselves emotionally. Crisis intervention treatment
might help as would learning some relaxation techniques that can help you get
through your days with less difficulty. Being under chronic stress can be
debilitating physically also, so be sure to care for yourselves through healthy
eating and exercise.
Your daughter may need counseling at some point to cope with the reality of what her father did. Often the biological children of those who do terrible things feel as though they are tainted in some way, since they share part of their genetic makeup with that person. It can be important to separate out what that person did from who that person is.
Hope Makes Healing Possible!
Patricia Sherman, Ph.D., LCSW
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