I am often asked how to let go of the anger that is still present because of mental and physical trauma after a couple decides to reconcile.
Finding a way to let go of the anger is an essential aspect of your new life with your husband or wife. I would definitely recommend the two of you go to counseling together to understand what led to the problems that occurred in your relationship.
If nothing has changed except that each of you wants to make the relationship work, it would be difficult for there to be a different outcome than what happened before.
Understanding what went wrong and then working to fix those issues can, however, be a strong foundation for a loving and successful relationship.
Generally it takes a lot of work to repair a broken relationship. You will need to know the things s/he did that hurt you will never happen again. Only then do I think you will be able to let go of the anger.
If you cannot be assured of that (not just through what s/he says, but through his/her actions), then your anger maybe a necessary part of keeping you safe.
Relationship counseling can be extremely effective in helping the two of you resolve your past issues and move beyond them in a healthy way.
I hope that the two of you can move into the next phase of your relationship successfully.
Hope Makes Healing Possible!
Patricia Sherman, Ph.D., LCSW
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